Mark and Rhonda came with their crew between Christmas and New Year’s — here are my folks with all four of the grandkids. Imagine…they doubled their number of grandkids between August and September!

From left to right: Lydia (3), Maya (3mo), Glenn (aka “Sillypa”), Matthew (4-1/2mo), Alaina (6), Mary (aka “Grammy”)

Sometimes hand-me-downs are the best outfits…

Hard to tell from here, but her eyes nearly match the navy top! (People always comment on her big baby blues…)

From Six Chix: Need I say more? (okay, not really, but it’s a nice thought…mmmm…shower)

Well, since I caught Maya’s first roll from belly to back on film, it’s only fitting that I’d miss her roll from back to belly altogether. She was playing (and making plenty of noise) behind me under the BE gym…I turned around to see why she was suddenly quiet, and there she was, on her belly!

The look on her face…”how the heck did I get here???”

This past weekend, we found a Fisher-Price Healthy Care Highchair at Babies ‘R’ Us for $45…woo-hoo! This model was originally $70, and the remaining models (this was the last, and BRU was discontinuing) started at $90…so I feel pretty good about this one. Tonight, since I needed to work in the kitchen, Little Miss got to try it out.

Itty-bitty doesn’t even begin to describe my little peanut. Look at her, dwarfed by the chair!

The tongue is still an integral part of Maya’s smiles.

Hey, the view from up here’s pretty good! (At least she can watch mom doing dishes instead of having to do them herself…)

She’s healthy (no surprise there) but was CRANKY while we were at the doc’s office — if I so much as set her down, she did the “scream until magenta” routine. Of course, that started immediately after the nurse commented on what a nice temperment she has…it’s like she had to show her what’s what!

Maya still wins the shrimpie prize:

At 4 months, 4 days…
Weight: 10 pounds, 12.8 ounces (under 5%)
Length: 24 inches (49%)
Head: 15-1/4 inches (5%)

So, she’s still itty, but she’s consistently itty, and the doc was perfectly fine with that. We did round 2 of the menengitis vax (I forget which one exactly…it’s too long a term!), since the doc said she’s seen it around.

Gotta love living in Colorado. Yes, that’s a window blind below the buck’s head.

(was “Maya in a Thai Temple” but Scott’s title was way better)

Scott submitted this photo for the blog. Maya’s made it to Thailand even before I have!

Maya in a Temple in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Who’s Scott, anyway?

Scott’s one of my closest friends — and happens to be an ex (boyfriend/fiance’). It made mutual sense for him to stay with me for a while in August/September/October, so not only did he bear with me during my last uncomfortable, grumpy, moody weeks of pregnancy, but he also took all of those amazing photos I have to remember Maya’s birth. On top of that, he videoed the birth for me, giving me a gift that someday I’ll hope to share with Maya too. (Honestly, I’ve only watched the birth video once…after all, I WAS THERE!)

In late October, Scott took off for Thailand to travel with his cousin and figure out “what’s next” in life. While travelling with the cousin didn’t quite pan out, he’s still enjoying the culture and beauty…and inexpensive cost of living! He’s suggested that perhaps Maya and I should move across the ocean to take advantage of the cheap deals, but I know my family would…well…shoot me. Moving a few states away (if I were to ever do that) would be bad enough. Moving to another part of the world? They’d have a fit.

Anyway, it’s weird to realize that Maya was only five weeks old when Scott took off for parts far away…and she’ll be six MONTHS old by the time he returns to the U.S., assuming he stays on schedule.

Where will he fit into our lives? Oh, he’ll get to be one of those “positive male influences” (RIGHT, Scott???) on Maya for sure…think the “cool uncle.” We’ve talked about “us” and I think I’ve realized that we simply like each other more when we’re neither dating nor living in the same house. Scott provided some good support in those early weeks though. He reminded me today of a night when I was about to lose it. Little-bitty Maya just wouldn’t stop crying, and I was at a total loss of what to do…at 3am. Scott took her to hold her, and told me to sleep, which I did. Little bit slept peacefully on his chest for several hours!

Scott with Maya on her birthday

Nuzzling a one-day-old newborn

Maya peeking over Scott’s shoulder in mid-October. Look at how well she was holding up her head even before one month!

Little Miss Maya was NOT willing to cooperate for a photo session. (The light was great, so I had to at least TRY.) Instead of smiling, she kept sticking her tongue out — that’s her new favorite toy.

Reclining…is it just me, or does she finally look like there’s a little more pudge in her face?

Can you BELIEVE the length of that tongue? Let’s just call her “Geena” Simmons. Rock on, baby!

(aka I’m WHAT?!?)

A year ago today, my life changed forever.

In early January, I decided that it was time for me to finally hit grad school, and I found just the program — the Social Psychology department at UT Austin had an amazing degree in an area that suited my interests perfectly! I talked to my folks (mom’s reply - “I wondered when you’d finally decide to go to grad school.) and family, and started to research how to get there. The good news: UT pays EVERYTHING for its grad students. The bad news: the program I wanted only takes 2-3 new candidates per year! Lots to consider.

Around this time, I knew that my period was late, but I didn’t really think much about it. By the time it was five days late (I’m typically pretty regular at 30-32 days), I was wondering, but not too much…just enough that I wanted to stop wondering. Driving home from the real estate office, I decided to stop at the grocery store and purchase a pregnancy test, mainly so that I’d “stop worrying” about
the idea that I could possibly be pregnant. Little did I know…

I got home from the store, and tossed the groceries on the counter. After a while, I remembered the test (and had to pee), so headed to the bathroom. Did the deed…then waited as I watched the urine move across the screen, fully expecting that I’d see nothing. Instead, I started to see a faint line. That faint line grew darker, and darker, and finally SCREAMED its presence! I was dumbfounded.

Then…

Okay, I’m not THAT naive. I know how a baby is made…but still, not for me?!?

My cousin live here in town and is one of my absolute closest friends…yet, I couldn’t bring myself to call her. As much as it shocked me, one of the first thoughts I had was “how much for an abortion?” WHAT?!? I’m pro-choice. For other people. For me, I’ve always said I couldn’t do it, yet this was the first thing that I thought about. I’m single. This wasn’t planned. I’m not even in a
relationship with the father (more on that later) — this is a FLUKE! So, anyway, I hesitated to call my cousin…because if I decided to terminate, I would tell no one. That, in itself, told me a lot.

The first person I called was my friend L, in California. Before she could even get past hello, I threw it out there…”I’m f*^%ing pregnant!” I was in tears. Even with that, I knew that L would be okay for me to talk to — she’d experienced an unwanted pregnancy and abortion when she was in her teens, and she’s clear-minded enough to really tell me what the deal was. If nothing else, I just needed someone to listen while I completely freaked out! She was there for me, and for that I will always be grateful…I’m not sure if I’ve ever been more frightened than around 7pm on Wednesday, January 21, 2004!

In the end, I called my cousin and told her, then berated myself for holding off on telling her. As I should have known, she was completely understanding…both reassuring me that if I decided to go through with it, that she knew I’d be a fabulous mom, and also telling me that if I decided to terminate, she’d be there with me every step of the way without judgement. How did I get such wonderful family?

As my cousin knew I would, I couldn’t do it…by the next day, I’d pretty much decided that I would have a baby…even before admitting it to myself. During lunch, I went to B&N and purchased the requisite copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” Seriously, I had no idea what to do, what I could eat, and couldn’t…etc. I took it to lunch at On the Border and started to browse through it, still telling myself that I hadn’t decided yet. While I was finishing my lunch, a man stopped by my table and commented on the book, smilled big, and gave me congratulations for my coming baby…and told me about his 4-month-old and how he and his wife used that book, and how they were so excited. He wished me the best and moved on. For the first time, I just glowed…and admitted it to myself…I was going to have a baby!

I told my cousin, and she was gracious enough to (almost) refrain from the typical “I knew it!” gloating. That said, she was thrilled, and said again and again how excited she was to become an auntie (she’s an only child, so we’re kind of like sisters). I started to read, and started to mentally adjust to the idea that my whole life was going to change…in a different way than I’d planned!

It took me until early February before I told my parents — my father was working out of town a great deal, and I didnt’ want to do this over the phone or email! To tell them, I got them to meet me out for dinner, and summoning up all the courage I could muster (my family is very evang-Christian, and I knew they’d freak!), got myself psyched to tell them… To tell them, I read a passage from “The Prophet” by
Kahlil Gibran:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”

And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I told my parents that I knew that they loved me deeply, but that in some ways, I felt that they still treated me as if I needed to be taken care of…and it was time for that to end…because I was now going to be a parent myself. They were stunned, to say the least, but took it really well, much to my relief.

That’s probably enough for this part of the story…there’s much more, of course, but this is the “bloggable” part.

Why did I decide to go through with it?

As shocked as I was to discover I was pregnant, there one one huge reason that I decided to have a baby — beyond even my own personal thoughts on abortion. Yes, I knew that an abortion would be an emotional disaster for me, but still…that wasn’t the reason.

Over the past few years, authenticity has become VERY important to me… After spending most of my earlier life trying to figure out what people expected, then “pleasing them” (or trying to, anyway) by delivering, I’d committed to finding who I am, and BEING THAT. Part of that process — one of the most important parts of that — is taking responsibility for the results of my own actions. In other words, even if I didn’t have the moral/emotional concerns about an abortion, it would have been a huge step backward for me ethically. Even if I decided to not keep this baby, I made it, so it was my responsibility to see the pregnancy through. Beyond that, I knew that if I carried a baby for nine months, there was no way that I could give it up…I’d wither and die from the heartbreak. So, I’m a mom.

Pro-choice I still am. She’s the best CHOICE I’ve ever made!